Microwaved Takes 3/17

Buddy H

Full disclosure, I couldn’t think of a topic I wanted to write 1,300 words about today. Writing is hard. So instead, I’m going to write 100-200 words on the five things I thought about turning into real columns. We’re calling them microwaved takes, because they’re hot takes but quicker. And you get more of them. And they’ll probably give you cancer. Don’t judge me. You post something every day for seven weeks and tell me you’re still loaded with fresh ideas.

Take 1: Why the F*uck isn’t Buddy Hield Going No. 3 in the Draft?

What am I missing with Buddy Hield? Everyone wants shooters, Buddy takes more per game than Klay Thompson and makes a higher percentage than Stephen Curry. Even if that were literally the only thing he could do, that should be enough to go third. If you knew for sure you were getting a decade of Kyle Korver, you’d take that dude third.

But that’s not the only thing he does! He makes almost 56% of his shots at the rim! He has a higher career rebounding rate than Dwyane Wade! He’s a good defender who’s only going to get better when he doesn’t have to score 30 points every night! HE KNOWS HOW TO DRIBBLE!

Don’t you idiots remember what happened last time you said a prospect was too old and too short? Portland got Damian Lillard. And then they got ANOTHER Damian Lillard in C.J. McCollum. Don’t f*ck this up guys, just take the best player.


Take 2: Derrick Rose is Good Again and I Can’t Wait to See how Chicago Screws This One Up

Derrick Rose is averaging essentially 19/5/4 on 47% from the field and 34% from three since the new year began. I mean, it’s not MVP Derrick Rose, but it’s good! And the sample size is relevant! Kemba Walker got serious All Star consideration for stats only slightly better than that. At the very least that’s a good starting point guard. So how are the Bulls gonna screw this one up?

Are they going to trade him for peanuts and watch him become a star again? Are they going to force him into another year of uncomfortable bonding with Jimmy Butler? Can they do BOTH? I have no idea how this plays out other than the Bulls looking foolish.

Take 3: I’m Gonna Look Like a Genius When Portland Makes the Second Round

Here’s how it’s gonna go down:

Step 1: Grizzlies lose a lot of games. Not too hard since their three best players right now are Lance Stephenson, Samaki Walker and that animated girl with the pink hair from the old E-Surance commercials. .

Step 2: Blazers win a lot of games, sneak into No. 5 seed. It’s doable. The schedule is manageable and they have more home games than road.

Step 3: Beat Clippers. Not as tough as you’d think. There is a glorious Clippers explosion coming at some point in the next two months. Why not in Round 1? Who wants to chase C.J. around for 40 minutes? Why can’t Meyers Leonard drag DeAndre away from the hoop on defense?

I’m calling it now. Blazers over Clippers in six in the first round.

Take 4: I Told You Jae Crowder Was the Best Celtic! I Told You! 

The Celtics are 0-3 without Jae Crowder. They just gave up 130 points to the Thunder. The Celtics don’t know how to play defense without Crowder. It takes a special kind of wing to cover up for Kelly Olynyk.


Take 5: While We’re Talking About the Celtics, Tony Bennett is the Next Brad Stevens

Brad Stevens built a contender at a non-basketball power. Tony Bennett built a contender at a non-basketball power. Brad Stevens did so with limited NBA talent. Tony Bennett did so with limited NBA talent. Brad Stevens made the NCAA Championship Game two years in a row. Tony Bennett had top-five teams three years in a row.

There are similarities here. Stevens’ best trait as a coach is his ability to develop players. Bennett does so about as well as anyone at the college level, winning without any lottery picks on his roster. He takes what he has and turns it into a contending basketball team. He’s going to be a great NBA coach one day.

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