Why Do The Hoopers Have a White Son?


I can’t be the first person to wonder this, but how do the Hoopers have a white son? Chris Paul and DeAndre Jordan both have fairly dark skin, it seems unlikely that their offspring (which is impossible in itself, but we’ll ignore that) would have such a fair skin tone .

Was Kevin Love adopted? The pieces fit together. Chris and DeAndre would struggle to conceive since, you know, they’re both men, so perhaps they gave up on having biological children and adopted Love to fill the child-sized hole in their hearts. And then, years later, the pair somehow managed to conceive naturally, creating Damian Lillard.

This is the best explanation I can think of, but it raises serious questions about Kevin’s self esteem. How is he supposed to feel knowing he was the consolation child? Does he hold a grudge against baby Damian? How are the two splitting their inheritance?

And who are the deadbeat parents who put Kevin Love up for adoption in this scenario? Here’s where things get really interesting. I think the State Farm agent is Kevin Love’s biological father. He’s the only other white person we see in the Hoopers universe, and as he’s old enough to presumably work full time for State Farm the age gap fits. But who’s the other parent? As we know, in this world two men are capable of conception, and someone had to give him young Kevin his athleticism. We’ve only seen NBA players and State Farm agents in this universe, so odds are it’s someone we’ve heard of.

My bet is Kyle Korver. Combine his general facial structure and athletic ability with the State Farm agent’s facial hair and you basically get Love. Of course, we should also be asking how Love has so much facial hair as a child (bizarre), and how Jordan is legally able to act as Love’s guardian despite being only two months older than him, but these are questions for another day. For now, we’ve solved the mystery of why the Hoopers have a white son.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s