Here’s a 5-Team Mascot Trade Because Damn it, the Jazz Should be in New Orleans

Kings Colors Wizards

I’ve posted quite a few fake trades on this site, but few as ambitious as this one. Players will be involved, yes, but for the most part, this trade is going to be about mascots. Ready? Here we go:

Utah Franchise Acquires: Jrue Holiday, Rondae-Hollis Jefferson, Wizards 2018 2nd Round Pick.

New Orleans Franchise Acquires: The rights to the name, colors and logos of the “Jazz.”

Brooklyn Franchise Acquires: The rights to the name, colors and logos of the “Kings.”

Sacramento Franchise Acquires: The rights to the name, colors and logos of the “Wizards,” New Orleans’ 2018 top-five protected first round pick.

Washington Franchise Acquires: Thaddeus Young.

So why does this need to happen? Let’s start with Utah and New Orleans. There’s very little actual jazz being played in Utah. There is, however, quite a bit of jazz being played in New Orleans. That’s why the New Orleans franchise was originally called the Jazz before being moved to Utah. The Utah franchise simply never relinquished the name, as it should have. So we’re correcting that error.

In exchange? The Utah franchise gets the point guard they need, a young prospect, and a pick for their troubles. They’d also get to undergo a complete rebrand. That’s always good for ticket and merchandising sales, and the team could rename itself something a bit more relevant to the state of Utah. Maybe the Avalanche, or the Mountaineers? That’s their call.

So why are the Nets involved here? Well, they play in Brooklyn. For you non-New Yorkers, that’s King’s County. In this deal, they’d grab the rights to the King’s name, wait for their miserable pick-less period to end, and then change their own name for the 2018-19 season to give themselves something of a reboot. Besides, the Nets have always been something of a laughingstock. They’ve always needed to change their name in some manner. This is their best case scenario.

Speaking of laughingstocks, the Kings get a rebrand of their own to distance themselves from the disaster the last decade has been. The Wizards name may not exactly be synonymous with success, but it’s not as bathed in sloth manure as the Kings name has been recently. They’d get a first round pick for their troubles, and plus, the new logo with the original Sacramento colors looks great!

And then there’s the Washington franchise. They obviously want to be the Bullets again, that’s why they re-adopted the old Bullets colors. Would it be politically savvy of them to take on that name now? Probably not, but diehard fans prefer it and they get a free starter out of the deal.

So yea, five teams, five new names. It’s not like any of these teams have much of a history to look back fondly on anyway. They all need a kick in the pants. Let’s realign the team names to make a bit more sense.

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