Here Is a Comprehensive List of Ways the Sacramento Kings Might Screw Up the NBA Draft

NBA: Sacramento Kings at Minnesota Timberwolves

It just wouldn’t be draft day without the Kings screwing up. So here are the ways it might happen:

 

  1. Kings draft Malachi Richardson No. 8 overall.
  2. Kings draft Trent Richardson No. 8 overall.
  3. Kings draft Jakob Poeltl No. 8 overall; Poeltl can’t get work visa and deported to his native Jupiter.
  4. Kings draft Wade Baldwin No. 8 overall; realize after the fact he isn’t Alec.
  5. Kings draft Malik Beasley No. 8 overall.
  6. Kings draft Deyonta Davis No. 8 overall.
  7. Kings draft Skal Labissiere No. 8 overall. This one would be the funniest.
  8. Kings draft Rajon Rondo No. 8 overall as Vlade Divac does not know what rules are.
  9. Kings trade DeMarcus Cousins to Boston for No. 3 pick.
  10. Kings trade DeMarcus Cousins to Boston for No. 16 pick.
  11. Kings trade DeMarcus Cousins to Boston for Jonas Jerebko.
  12. Kings trade Demarcus Cousins to Boston for some magic beans; Darren Collison killed on beanstalk.
  13. Kings trade No. 8 overall pick to Nuggets for Kenneth Faried.
  14. Kings trade No. 8 overall pick to Grizzlies for Zach Randolph.
  15. Kings trade No. 8 overall pick to Wizards for the wrong Morris twin.
  16. Kings trade No. 8 overall pick to Bulls for No. 14 overall pick.
  17. Kings trade No. 8 overall pick to Eagles for Sam Bradford.
  18. Kings trade No. 8 overall pick to Wolves for No. 6 overall pick, forget to specify which year, wind up with Jonny Flynn.
  19. Kings trade No. 8 overall pick to Celtics for James Young and Danny Ainge’s Netflix password.
  20. Kings forget to make pick at No. 59.
  21. Kings make pick at No. 59; give him max contract.
  22. Kings make pick at No. 59; giggle to themselves because they think it was pick No. 69.
  23. Kings forget draft is Thursday.
  24. Kings forget to set their alarm clock.
  25. Kings forget draft exists at all; plan to aggressively pursue Ben Simmons in free agency.
  26. Kings cease basketball operations; use remaining assets to convert franchise into airport Cinnabon.
  27. Kings make correct draft pick at No. 8; pick retires rather than play for Kings.
  28. Kings make correct draft pick at No. 8; pick has allergic reaction to Kings logo and demands trade.
  29. Kings make correct draft pick at No. 8; pick leaves professional basketball to pursue career as member of the Green Lantern Corps.
  30. Kings make correct draft pick at No. 8; pick becomes multi-time All Star, leads Kings to multiple championships, has his number retired, but Vlade Divac forgets to submit this ridiculous NBA fan fiction to his genie in time so Kings end up picking Cheick Diallo.

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